23 hours later, the sun shall rise as usual.

looking back 12 months,
being a new kid in school, i made new friends, struggled with snooze button, skipped classes, hated projects, and found excuses to escape in the middle of the term several times, fought hard against jet-lags and occasional coughs and colds. my rebellious-for-a-cause-nature got me into troubles and out of troubles.
my 20th was one of the worst. not many knew of what happened. it doesnt matter anymore because i have walked out of that pair of old jeans.
i did what i would least want to do for a vacation job but it made me a good bit of money. it was an experience working in a familiar environment with new colleagues, some of them who eventually became my friends. during that period, my aloof nature almost cost me a close friend. and i started eyeing a new pair when i still had my old jeans half on. i couldnt be more happy because of the little things that happened. when i made up my mind, you decided to tell me i'd been wrong. it was almost as bad as february could be.
when autumn came, i learnt to take things as they come. was nevertheless stressed over school and the RPG, which completely screwed my hormones. and when i started getting used to how things run, i suddenly found myself running in between 4 places a day. eventually, we managed to tide through.
towards year end, i found myself entering a new phase, like how suddenly cartoon network is no longer the first channel you tune to when you come back from school. maybe this phase is adult-hood, but i'm relunctant to lose my child-likeness (not childishness). i found some of the similar-things-said-to-me very offending. only one or two took my silly attempts at showing my displeasure seriously. sometimes it's easier to lose some than resetting boundaries i had loosely drawn on sand.
i've played my last seed...if it's a game which should have never started, it's 'bout time i pick up those signs for real.

what i really want to do is to catch the fireworks and then stay out to catch the first day-break of the new year yet i didnt even try asking.

'Cloudeds can purr like the small cats, but they also have a low, moaning roar, a soft chuffle, a growl, a hiss, and meows as part of their calls.' and he got some big-eye, lazy-looking creature which i cant remember what is on his stub.

yesterday was freaking crowded. we queued for half an hour for the creatures of the night show and i must say we were really lucky to have been allowed in to the threatre (by mistake). "i said 15!". apparently the boy couldnt count and led at least twice that number in.

there was this little boy from australia who was asked onto stage. and the lady, only wanted to tease him, gave him a tiny grape (those that they feed animals with) as an reward for doing what he was told to do.

'so what are you going to do with the grape?'
'eat it?', he said with no hesitation.

HAHA

'okay, you bring it home remember to wash it before you eat it. hygiene you know.' (something along that line) and she gave him a ben&jerry's voucher.
when she saw no reaction from the kid, she said, 'usually when i give them vouchers they jump up and down for joy you know'

the little boy started jumping up and down.

HAHA




其余的事我想也没必要分享；当事人知就好

actually i really abhor guys who call girls 'chicks' or worse still, 'pussy'. we dont go around calling guys 'ducklings' or 'dick', not even among female friends for goodness sake. apparently they think they are damn cool or something to go on 'chick-watching'. i just think, it doesnt hurt them to show a little bit of respect, does it.

i did 0.3 better than the previous sem and i managed to hit the magic number. again, my As are coming from econs modules. tell me what to do! now the letter is going to come fluttering in; i dont even know whether i want it. but better a choice to reject it than not getting the letter at all, right. am humbly pleased with myself.

anyway, no more crystal jade for me for 'bout a month at least. sick of it.

let's hope tomorrow turns out.

practising hard at occlumency

everyword wrongly said

people need to know how much i enjoy my solitude and hiding in, doing my own readings and speaking hardly 10 sentences each day. these days come rare after quite a high-profile year to speak; i'd sum that up on 31st. if not for much-forced meetups with two santas tomorrow, and for someone fairly important at week's tail, i would be glad to stay in my, comparatively, neatly packed room, finishing up my books and fussing over how to live on only 24 hours each day in 2008. not like the number of hours has been suddenly halved per se; the first few months is quite a turning point i must say, with me turning 21 means i need to keep myself out of trouble so i wont land myself in jail. bidding hasnt even started but half my time table's out. great, i have no finals for most of them. only that the percentages speak for themselves the amount of effort and the level of consistency i need just to come off as average. you should see for yourself how many hermione grangers there are in our school. haha, and i secretly want to be one. with everyone else trying to pull their pathetic cap, but pretty average for a biz student, to a 3.5, the bell curve's looking less and less like one. these few months have set me thinking whether an honors is really such a big deal for a bba: i'm starting to have plans of finishing off my degree in business in another 3 sems and move on to something i've always had more interest in. afterall the theory in finance has been proven not to be exactly useful since i couldnt utter as much as my mom could about stock markets. nor has it made me a few thousands richer over night. coincidentally i'm taking a module on financial markets and another on portfolios and investments soon, we shall see if they make me any smarter. financially. at the mention of it, this year has magically turned this prodigal to a thrift. it's part of the reason why i rather stay-in, cant deny that.
i will get out of my hole to welcome the new year for sure. God, be kind and give everyone the strength to stand for the countdown (you know what i'm trying to get at).

nothing beats taking a hot shower after getting drenched. i feel like a marshmallow now.

*hugs pillow

i've soft music playing in the background. dimmed lights. a silent neighbourhood. and the quiet lavender scent. if there's a mug of hot milo to warm my hands and stomach with, that would be even better.

dawn, thanks for the card and the portrait. love it!






suddenly whether or not i get a new violin case for christmas, or whether i get my money back (not that they ever matters) became meaningless. it's quite stupid of me to feel so sad about it; i dont even know her name. but it must have been a nightmare. and i pray she wakes up from it really really soon.
after all these, i wonder why i didnt take up nursing instead.

i hate how my fingers wont behave, how i let my bow controls me, how i'm making more noise than music. how these few thousands might become nothing. how i'm close to being desperate to be only good enough to pass. how perfectionist i get. how chris is not around when i need some assurance.

for my convenience sake, it's here.



i'm still listening to it at 3 in the morning. there're some notes he didnt quite hit later and a little bit of finger cramps at two-thirds. i thought producing sounds like that is only possible on an electric violin so i'm surprised at how clean he came off. disgustingly charming.

doing up a food list for an upcoming barbeque at 1 am in the morning is like putting a basket of bananas front of a caged-up monkey. the satays, stingrays, buffalo wings are teasing my stomach. and my vivid imagination is arousing my taste buds and salivary glands. oh my, i feel so tortured.

i spent the entire day catching up sleep and packing my room, and ended up at least 50 dollars richer. there're foreign coins and notes everywhere. it isnt surprising considering how often i travel and how i never bother to keep them away properly. there's a awful load to discard and give away. if you've siblings or kids who like sesame streets still, please let me know. a blue cookie monster who eats a few extra cookies wont teach your kids to binge. and please, ernie and bert are nothing more than best friends. i grew up on those books fine. and i am still straight and, okay, just.. maybe i eat a bit too much. but it has nothing to do with cookie monster i swear!

i'm now waiting for lord voldemort to finish packing his stuff so we can leave for the chalet. 15 minutes and counting. typical slow mole. you sure he completed his ns?
okay, shouldnt rush him, later he forget this and that.

besides, i'm waiting for my favorite towel to dry off. i'm relunctant to bring any other towel because why, because it's my favorite towel.






it's 6:30 now and he's still not done. bah. i should just log off now.
see y'all soon!

this is going to be jumpy.

i dont deny i downplayed a lot of things lately. no chance scoffers, my life isnt dsyfunctional. i am nothing but exceedingly independent. sometimes i just like to behave immature to fool one or two. anyway, my mom is going to be discharged later in the day!

she asked me to check out the prices to 云南 because i've been going on and on about how beautiful that place might be. so i asked her what for.
she said,'lets go there for a holiday since they'll give me weeks of medical leave.'. and she was unbelievably serious about it. what a joker!

i'm still waiting for the pianist to ring me up so i can start living my life in jail. but at this moment i'm enjoying every single second of my holiday and worrying how miserably short this is.
i really want a new violin case this christmas. those rectangular ones you know you know. you dont? the zips of my own are going cranky because of those loose threads which are pouring out like a fountain. the pretty ones will easily cost a hundred. i'll make do with the 60-80s range. can someone pamper me a bit?


the dream i had last night was...i dont have an adjective for it. i already told you this is going to be jumpy.

i wish i had the courage to settle my issues out front rather than letting it enact in my dreams. but the ball isnt really on my court. since my partner doesnt want to play, i DONT want to walk over to that half the court, pick up the ball, smack back to my half of the court. it's so pointless. why not just dont play.

chalet tomorrow. hope it cheers me up a bit.

got to make a move now. :)

oh look, it's only 7 plus, i'm back home early today.
i am supposed to be leaving for the gym now but after the nap on the bus, my lazy set of bones is refusing to take me anywhere.

anyway, 你有喝过煲汤吗？
怎样？味道不错吧。
煲汤讲究的是火候和时间的控制。
有时因为急着想喝汤就不知觉得把火开大了，结果难以下肚。有时贪心，水加多了结果淡而无味。
我喜欢喝汤。我想你也一样。但是我没那个耐心去熬上五，六个小时。
我尝试了几次，没一次成功。
有人说啊，外面有在卖。有够便利的，何必花那么多时间？
我也想啊，但那些并不合我的胃口。想煲的汤却技巧一大堆。
唉，还是不喝汤算了。死不了！



但还是希望有一天能有好喝的汤喝。

i only wanted a quickie, and the stupid string snapped. cut me. and the knob at the back bounced back and hit my joint. instant blister.

sigh.
about time.

i dont have anymore spare so i have no fiddle to play when i have this funny urge to run my fingers on strings. so i resorted to playing my pieces with an er hu. and i tried them on guitar as well. of course they sounded really mismatched.

i feel tickled.

心里有种感动。真的很谢谢你。

没用的家伙 好想哭

some people are just born lucky. ascribed, you know. nothing to do with their own achievements. so whats there to be jealous?

channel your energy to changing things that you can change.
i hope you read into my words. think about it.


probably be another 3-4 days.

it was supposed to be a short one. 2 hours. indeed she came out two hours later. but they kept her at the observation room for 5 hours before sending her off to the ICU for the night. blood pressure too low. so i sat outside the operation threatres for 8 hours straight. i almost finished my harry potter.

witnessed some quarrels on the bus early this morning. over a seat.
whats the world coming to. why cant we just love everyone a bit more

today is the day. yesterday saw her in her worst state. she threw up half a bottle of the laxatives that she drank. that thing looks disgusting. i also had my worst headache ever. hope everything goes well. PLEASE.

if right in front of you there're three doors,
behind door one is your suitor who always tries to invite you over. occasionally he/she imposes himself/herself on you or you two are never quite on the same frequency (but apparently your suitor doesnt think so). you dont fancy him/her that much (maybe not yet), but he/she's there whenever you need someone to talk to nevertheless.

the second door is all the time locked. it's never open unless you knock. there lives someone you fancy. you know he/she is not that into you because he/she never leaves his/her space to discover or share your life. but if you knock, the door opens and the most beautiful things happen. and then door closes till the next time you knock.

the third door lives your old beau who still pops by your house once in awhile to make sure things are ok. you used to think he/she and you are the most perfect couple and you continued to live in this made believe after he/she left you because he/she thought that the feeling was no longer right. you took a year to leave you past behind.

so you wont open the first door because the person behind that door tries too hard?
and you will continue knocking on the second door because it makes you a prince/princess in a fairy tale however short lived?
you will never approach the last door because you were hurt before?

the interesting thing to note that you might be playing the roles of 4 persons at the same time (to different people of course).
hahaah so complicated.
*turns attention to my dinner


last paper tomorrow
and if my mom's fever doesnt subside tomorrow, they're going to put the knife on her already.

good night!

this is the seventh day. this means that i've been camping out at the hospital for almost a week already. she's on drip 24 hours. they give her really strong antibiotics. penicillin streptomycin yada yada even i can name a few of those. actually i do nothing there besides taking her to the washroom and finishing her leftovers. did i just make myself sound so useless? lol. technically thats what i do but of course there's more to it. i'm not that useless, come on. every night i return home at 11 too tired to blog because 10% of time i babysit the other patients as well

the malaysia trip has been called off since mama doesnt look o k eough to go anywhere. i'm glad that there's at least a class chalet and a birthday bbq (night cycling possibly) to look forward to. and christmas, which isnt exciting me much at the moment. the thought of violin-violin-piano-violin-oral-violin-oral-oral's quite a put off so please please pleeaaseee...i need stimuli.

and where's the beautiful thing?



i need occasional reminders that i still have a paper to go. instead of reading the text, i've harry potter in my hands most of the time.
alright then, it's bout time i shift my ass to the hospital.

the national organ transplant unit just sent a courier to pass me this letter concerning the HOTA. what the hell. why so fa man de! i cant believe i actually have to decide for myself what i want to do with my body after i die right now. how come cannot just die in peace (piece)?



it makes sense to donate if they still find value in my already rotting organs. aiya, but really so ma fan to decide which organs and parts i consent them to remove for whatever purpose. i could make things easy by ticking against "any needed organs or parts" and "transplant, treatement, education and research". but i dont think i like the idea of them emptying my body (imagine having your eyes dug out! and then they keep your eyes in a small bottle for ... education and research?! aiyo..so horrifying.)



maybe i'll just let them take whatever that's inside. solely for the purpose of transplant and treatment. at least i'll look perfectly fine on the outside, and still die beautiful.
anybody else received this yet? hahah, we can have a talk over dinner..


cant wait to see my mom's reaction!

december is magical. it marks the end of autumn, the start of winter.
i was born during the coldest period of winter and 'cos of that my mom had no problems with not showering/washing hair for an entire month. for that, i hope that when it's eventually my turn, i could deliver elsewhere in winter too. i rather shave my head otherwise.

winter is magical. but i always adore autumn more though it never did live up to its name.

the next autumn will come. there will be cuddles and kisses