where is this ride going?

we get on buses sometimes not knowing where it is taking us to. we don't have a choice; we got to move. we hold on to the wish of moving on to somewhere different (hopefully better). so we just keep going. but at certain point, you need to be knowing where is this ride going. you can't ride on without knowing where the end might be. do you keep riding, or should you be getting off already. at some point, you really just want to be sure.

sometimes i wonder if it's jinxed. the earlier i leave the house for school, the later i reach. this early morning's traffic is bad. it must be the much earlier rain. i'm now enjoying my morning sip of tea, at the same time typing this after a nice jumbo breakfast. late anyway, so might as well be even later and slot myself in during the seminar break instead. the tea warms me up. the weather is cool but goood. all these remind me of all the breakfasts i enjoyed with Dawn. i realise im such a breakfast person, just that i never really made time for it. it feels good. i somehow think it's the pink im wearing today affecting me. i should do this more often.

dont you wish we were more certain?

im likely to vanish from cyberspace, slowly gradually but surely. and im extremely whiny about school so don't ask me how's it going these days. too freaking overloaded, but people i'm working with are fun. people's final year is cool but mine is really like shit. leaving home at peak hour and returning at time when theres NO SUN NO MOON even on days you dont have official classes is not cool. i get body aches. i need massage. i need romance not work work work work work work. you know how your productivity level just cliffs off after 6 hours of attending classes back to back, and yet you still have 2 more hours to go after miserable dinner? ya! talking about food, the school's portions are getting smaller or whaat. i've taken 5 meals today, and asked for extra portion each time.

ok. get a grip. i must work around it. positivity positivity positivity.

if any of you think there's some services that you might want to compliment or complain about, please let me know! i'm such a tortise that i don't go out as often anymore and i'm too easy going (ahem) that i've no strong feelings towards anything even though service is bad. basically i need to complain and compliment services by writing a letter to them, get their response and then do some spastic evaluation. just share with me your experience and i'll complain/compliment on your behalf!

i'm so disgusted. so so disgusted. 

i want to scold the man. but i think the problem lies in the woman so i'll scold the woman first. whats up with the minds of those women. for goodness sake why are you hurting another woman over a gross middle aged man. why do you do that. and hey man, if you cheat, don't get caught. but you would get caught anyway because woman's sixth sense's right most of the time. bloody hell, just don't cheat la! freaking disgusted. they got this false impression that they are still charming. why can't people just stay faithful seriously. why so many people cheats, and cheat for the second time third time.

pudding is fine now. poor little thing must have tired himself out. he has been sleeping most of the time since. the vet said he's such a cute baby, and she didn't charge us! 

when i have my own house here, i'll save one room for work/study. so when you work, you get completely shut out from distractions. and when you rest and spend time with your loved ones, you separate yourself be it mind or physical from work. and i'll save another for home entertainment theatre. another for studio where you can dance and do your art and music at. hmm, thats a lot of rooms. actually i just need a nice bedroom and a comfy bed. oh and a big clean washroom.

hamsters never learn. he likes to climb on top of his wheel and then slides off it, and every time he does that, he is putting himself into the risk of having his leg caught to the bars of the cage. i saved him once and it's easy for us because we know all we have to do is to lift him up a little and his leg will just free itself. but he is small, and he doesnt know the science of gravity. and he keeps doing it and doing it and great, now he is crippled. he must have squealed last night but I didnt hear him and thank goodness i woke up early today. the situation could have been way worse. right now i'm waiting for the clinic to open. he probably needs an x-ray. and im going to miss my classes. i've just emailed one of my prof explaining the situation and i think most people would just think that my reason is really lame. some might laugh after reading that email even. like what, you woke up and its leg got caught? a hamster deserves so much of your attention? i had half the mind to tell her it's a dog or something, but why should my hamster deserve any less attention just because it's small (and cheap)?

now i know why my mom never fails to take urgent leave whenever i'm sick and stays up all night to change my towels. cos i really matters. 

it might sound odd, but i got an inkling of the importance of having 2 parent. 

i should be picking my mom up later, but i dont know. i'm mad tired. and if you don't see me around on msn much, thats cos i'm sleeping around 11 everyday. just tired. but i guess that's healthy. to good health!

i fail at putting my thoughts and feelings into comprehensible sentences, but i hope there's much more you picked up from the things left unsaid. one day, we could share a connection so strong that a touch or a look suffice. or does that only happen in fairy tales.

thats partly something i'm trying to achieve in photos. it's really hard. when you can't get it the way you want, it gets really frustrating. you get problematic pictures which go against the mood you want it to be in or not in. but you still keep trying and trying. you might get what you want ultimately or you try to settle for and appreciate what the environment has for you. 

i miss having people laugh at me for waking at brunch time, still eats breakfast and asks 'what are we having for lunch'. i miss having breakfast prepared for me every single morning. i miss having companion for lunches and dinners. i miss having 3 meals each day. i miss being pampered by my teenage cousin who carries everything for me, buys me tidbits with his own miserable savings, brings me ice cream, let me watch my favorite shows despite him being in the middle of his own. i miss watching tv on the couch with someone beside me. i miss how we are never short of people for mahjong at night. i miss having a family. i can't be so needy.

dreading school. all of it. waking, dressing up, figuring out where my classes are, are all stressing me out. 

i believe china banned all the sites with the word blog in it. i could browse livejournals, wordpress, not blogs. not even flickr blogs. i'm back. bored. lazy. half the time there i was wanting to come back. now half the time here i am wanting to go back.