i hate to admit this.
but im losing my marbles at handling the ambiguity. it's affecting me a lot, and i have no idea how to talk it out, and i can't, can i? why does it have to be so difficult.

not everyone is articulate and comfortable with the english language. but the subtitles are worth a laugh. erm, was she too nervous or what. hahaha, it's south africa that this girl been sent to! but yea, why her...

salute her for being so brave!

trivialities are not trivial. they are really sexy.

the brain is throbbing.

update: wow i spent 2 hours trying to sleep and eventually gave in to my exceptionally excited mind. that's how i shifted my ass from the bed to the chair to finish writing more than a third of the research that we were funded to do by NYC, and this is not even the top of the to-do list. I find it much more comfortable to be slowly building up on the report as you do the research, which is exactly what my group is not doing. typical students love to leave writing motivation, scope, purpose etc, after the data has been collected and analyzed. by then, all the mind's on coming up with conclusions to be bothered by those nonsense which isn't really nonsense back at the time you were thinking about them. i didn't want those things to become nonsense, and brain couldn't rest if i just let them float. so i finished it for the group. now it's 4:46am. i'm getting incoherent. byebye

there's more to the birth chart. it explains a lot more things, and at the same time, it opens to a lot more room for not explaining anything precisely.

i'm becoming more mischievous day by day, but most of the time it's a mental state of being if i'm not brave enough to fully engage in the acts. it came late, but it teases me brains and excites me. i told mom of my several game plans and she laughed them off saying that i would end up detained, or worse, jailed. hahahah, but i think i would give some of the more harmless ones a go. you know, to answer to the bit of naughtiness that was strangely missing in me during the time it belonged. 

time and distance are precisely the same thing. same strange concept bearing a different name. i was trying to garner more respect for time traveler's wife by throwing out the littlest bit of logic left in me. let's forget that the logic in it is weak (should we pardon it just because it's meant to fantasy? well, i've seen and read many more fantasies which actually made tremendous sense.), hm, but did it touch you? i don't know whether it's the directing or what, it made living-a-life-knowing what-life-has-for-you really bland, just like how knowing-what-is-coming made watching the movie a bit boring. 

thirst was sex, a lot of sex, to the extent that i got a bit uncomfortable. very wicked. dark humor. quite intriguing. and yes, sex and a lot of it. i mentioned it, sex. why are korean actresses all so perfect.

why do i keep missing out on you.

how come she's so pretty. how come she got such flawless milky white skin (that makes you want to lick like a milk ice cream - non full cream) and her full lips. nose and eyes. how can anyone be so perfect. how come ar.

i miss so much little things we did. even bird catching

when you're not attending classes, you should be studying, revising, thinking. so when people ask you if you are free, what should you say? so many of my friends have started working, and to them, after work hours mean you-better-forget-work-and-start-playing. that's the difference. i wonder how long i could handle this difference before going mad.

totally hate that everything's due on the same day. I am just desperately looking forward to the end of wednesday, though it's yet another beginning to yet another rat race.
well recently, there's a lot of avoidance-avoidance decision making. so life seems bleak. for now.

okok, it's been 10am-11pm, and still going on on an non official school day

distance is such a strange concept. potentially painful. especially types that you cant quantify. and the differing define of tolerable distance amongst individuals in different situations makes it even harder to communicate. and so it hurts. really badly.

nobody taught us how to manage it.

let's just forget that this is a commercial and agree that the story is sweet. that knowing someone is right the moment you set your eyes on him/her.

"...not only manufactures PCs costing $2000 or more that double as home entertainment centers, but also simple machines costing a few hundred dollars for poorer families who want their children to be computer literate." I just read this, and felt disturbed. i've been very concerned about several issues along this line lately...more than normal.

actually, to add to the previous post, i think in any relationship, it doesn't really matter how different you are, as long as you share the same general goals/moving in the same directions in life (人生的大方向）, it will most of the time work out. that really explains it.

thats quite a lot of verbalized thoughts for one night.

this is an exchange society. i never believe in the theories on how fights and quarrels help strengthen a relationship. it's bullshit. one minute of fight do more harm than losing contact for more than a term. just avoid it. and please, never think that people close to you could tolerate more shit so you could just give them more shit. and NEVER say you understand someone just because maybe you really did, but don't expect people to stay the same. just some random thoughts.

it's animal instincts. even with societal changes and shift in values. it functions that way. and i want it that way.

the pace is picking up. and i'm backlogged. time is going faster and faster. the workload is becoming impossible. it almost looks like i've to forgo all my leisure time if i really want to sail along. otherwise, forgo sleep.