needn't say more.

this is such a struggle. im trying very hard to feel better bout leaving. im going back not knowing whether i would be enjoying myself at all since they've specifically told me that no one's going to be taking me to anywhere. that doesnt sound too welcoming. honestly, was a little taken-aback. how can i not be welcomed? one hand, i'm growing way too tired staring at metals and concretes and surely bringing myself to another city is not exactly very enticing. i flickr-ed (searched the flickr. yea, thats my favorite past time these days) sichuan and gosh, there are so many fucking gorgeous places just a little drive out of the city. the thought is so tempting; money is always secondary, but have i mustered enough courage to finally finally finally travel alone? staying at shabby hotels (are they even hotels) alone? enough muscles to carry my own bag pack worth of clothings? i really wished there's just someone who could do all these together with me. 

sometimes i find myself ridiculous too. putting things behind to risk my life taking a pathetically small plane, exhausting my bank balances by occasionally doing reckless stunts like this. and then reality, the society tries to leash you back. and your attachments towards certain individuals and this and that.  

thats quite beside the point. the fact is that i'm leaving on saturday night. whatever i do there is an absolute question mark. no, not really. i totally could decide for myself how i want it to be. just that, am i brave enough.

she has her pride.

my temperature's back to normal. i've finished (almost) all my medications. only left with one last day's worth of antibiotics. but i'm having a whole load of trouble feeling normal. though it's been only a week, but it felt like i've been missing out months and months of things and just thinking of the necessity of catching up tires me out. people asked you why were you dress up for winter, and you think to yourself doh i am sick! how could they possibly not know. the whole point is yes it's totally possible that today they see you as this and 2 days later bam you become some weirdo. i don't really know what i'm talking about. just having problems adjusting. i think maybe to a sick person, time goes by slower. my hypothesis is that since you sleep so many times on a single day, it creates this illusion that you'd lived by many more days than you actually have.

i cant believe im saying this but i don't stand still in time whenever i get really sick. i freaking get transported back in time. right now, i'm in november 2008 mentally. and what happened in between is totally a blank. 

dont wth me. i wth myself. is she nuts?

have had high fever since last night and hence my monday felt like a sunday with my family members running in and out and fears of myself contacting h1n1. i was asked to 'best take that you've h1n1 and stay home and rest', and 'if anything happens, we will start on tamiflu'. there goes all my travel plans.

last night was so cold even though i was in my trackpants and pullover and buried under 5 layers of blankets. still so cold.

why do my photos always wear these shades of colors? the honest answer is, they are less nauseating..

i'm feeling a little beyond myself. overwhelmed. where did all the stress come from?

compared to the one before, this is cuter, sweeter, less intimidating and al natura

i totally edited one of my shots, out of curiosity. conclusion: it burns my eyes

this is just to follow up on the previous post. looks like i'll be needing another boost.

one and a half weeks stuck to tiles and ceramics i start feeling suffocated. 

high iso makes photos look as though they were painted. maybe it has got something to the way i set my white balance and 50mm too.

the noun verb, love, defined in my dictionary need not be learnt through practical terms. it's miserable to restrict/define/bound love as relationship between two individuals. it's truely profound precisely because it's actually meant to be general, yet often mistaken to be selfish.

not everyone's saints.