how do you forgive someone you never hated.
theres no such word in my world. i've no foes, no dislikes.

why do people abandon you and later want you back.

she went for blood check today at SGH and then the pain got so bad there that they sent her back to KK. i.e. my mom's hospitalized again.

i'm glad that she's in the hospital. at least someone is taking care of her, making sure she's eating and all that. during the period of her first discharge to being warded for the second time, you've no idea how worried i was that she might faint at home.
husbands cant be really trusted: even when they are not busy, they seriously dont know how to take care of anybody.
she said shes going through worse than labor pain every single day. i've no idea how labor pain's like, but that does sound bad.

and i'm so glad i'm almost done with exams tomorrow. can take care of her already.
i dont think i'm applying for special consideration though there's a high chance i will get to be "specially considered". what for?

this is the 37th minute after my third paper. i finished today's in less than an hour, and i sat there for more than an hour. i wonder why i didnt walk out of the exam hall early like a few of them did. i've 2 more to go so let's pray that this already is the worst paper.

i'm almost liberated at 1100 hours tomorrow.

mom's been directed to SGH's blood specialist. she thinks she's got cancer.

-.-

aiya, in the end i was only jittery for that few hours last night. look at me now; i finished my haribo roulette, doritos and all those junk. watched tvvee as if exams were over.

tomorrow i'm going out for dinner. oh yessah, i'll ace everything lar, no need to study one lar. hahahha

24, 26, 27, 28, 6 are the magic numbers.

let the beautiful thing happen to me there after!
oh gosh. it's what you do to me.

i'm finally feeling some exam stress. or is it excitement? maybe a bit of everything. cant wait to slay or be slayed. and all those possible mischieves. *giggles
i bet i've nothing intelligent to write for tomorrow's shit. here's something from our almighty international business prof..

email subject: writing utensils for final exam

Dear All,
As a final and brief reminder for the final exam tomorrow: Please bring
(a) a ball or fountain pen to write your responses to the essay questions
(b) a lead pencil to mark your responses to the MYC on the bubble sheet with you.
Thank you.

Regards,
XXXX


the textbook's right. we need to be understanding. you know, cultural differences and all...

everybody's body clock's screwed at the dorms. idiot. fancy all the banging of doors and loud music at 1-2am lately. those people are really stressed.

though i didnt have anyone in mind when i did this 10-min crap, she oddly resembles someone i've seen around school. i hate how she stares at me though i made her one-eyed, so i decided to discard this-i-never-did-intend-to-complete-vent.







*edit
in the end i got a bit curious as to how she would look after i add in the eye, and in other angles as well.






she looks even more terrifying. now i can tear and discard it.

it's suddenly all wrong again when she rang me up at 7:25 wheezing, telling me shes going to die. she sounded so out-of-breathe, so helpless, so...little life in her. i dont know what to do i dont know what to do i fucking dont know what to do.

she's alright now.
alright isnt exactly the right word; they didnt manage to identify the cause per se. arh, whatever, i dont entrust doctors in the first place, at least she's discharged.

honestly the travelling back and forth's getting to me, i'm happy that i dont have to do it anymore.

stupid international business. no cues at all. i've no idea how to prepare for it, not that i've even started. #@!

suddenly i just cant take the load anymore..

they drew twelve tubes of blood since yesterday. a specialist from another hospital is supposed to be coming down today to help her do a scan. they've taken so much interest in my mom's pathetic low blood platelet count that they even sent 3 NUS medicine students down to "interview" her.

she's guessing they'll put the knife on her today. but i doubt so; it's too risky to undergo an op when her blood cant even coagulate.

i dreamt that i'd a super adorable labrador pup which we later discovered that it could actually talk. and i'm chinese from an indian family and i've a chinese boyfriend. oh no, i cant recall who he is!! damn!

she has five times lesser blood platelet counts than normal. 2 bags of infusion didnt help improve anything. painkillers not working either. why cant they just do an ultra scan and see what the fuck is wrong?!


not everybody has 8 weeks to wait!
why dont they try bleeding for 16 weeks themselves and see how much life they've got.

closest hushes. it's a place only i can go... again, i had a very comforting dream last night. so i already got over the piece of news. told you, just one night will do. nothing really bothers me longer than that.

i'm forgetful.

mask on, i can go to the hospital already.

those closest to me know that i'm a piece of emotionless highly emotional crap. the things i complain about are usually things that dont affect me at all. when really bad things come along, i choose to keep my silence. and then weep alone
i should be at the hospital now. but i dont want to cry infront of her like an idiot.


是的，人总是要吃饭的。

i hope she's fine. i'll be at the hospital the next few nights if they dont chase me away. i need a night to collect myself, just to think of how to appear aloof.

com'on she'll be fine. :)

the last time i photo-blogged was....prawning day!

today's the last day of school for those 3 not-so-creative-future-accountants-who-want-to-be-famous.

here's one of their random accounting talks at the table,
when you speak of famous painters, you'd think of van gogh. likewise, there're famous economists, CEOs and even porn stars. but...hm, accountants?




only those that practises creative accounting made it to the headlines. thats what the three of them aspire to do.


i keep losing my things recently. i'll probably lose myself if i continue to shuffle around so much. perfect marriage to this off-the-net joke:

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:

"I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

Piranda naal vaazhthukkal to Ms Tang it's bout time you get used to being addressed this way! you can watch the uncut lust caution le lor..and pleasure factory. heeeheehee.

oh wait
a brilliant idea just struck me!

i should english-name myself forever. so i can be.................................Ms Forever Yang!
wahahhahha



good luck, mcfloey!

ants gravitate towards my water. why, is my water sweeter or are they really thirsty. poor things got drowned overnight.



*feels sorry for them*

then the emotionless yuan says, 'dont be silly, they're merely a fraction of their colony!'.


i wonder if a lunatic still has self-consciousness. or has he lost his sense of self completely. is he even aware that he's going looney...?

now that most of the guys have ord-ed jian guang said it stands for on real day and i'll never forgive him for disrupting the healthy hum of my brains, they've even more time to manifest me with their twisted logic.

alright, i'm freaking hungry now..

here's one shot i think jian guang and jia yinn might like to have, though it's been nearly 2 months. i'd mountains and trees, so adding a bit of beaches and blues to this space wont harm.



zhotovil r.1947
frantisek kolar
mistr houslar
v brtvi u lazni belohradu
i never understood what that means but it's been 60 years and getting better.


too early to say, 'love is over'.

clicking we used to use the word "flipping" through the old photo albums made me nostalgic for the charming rustic days, where i called the urban life style quits.



mom is rescheduling our cameron-kl-penang trip to december.

maybe i can talk my friends into going genting so i can meet everyone else there on my way back. i.e. 2 trips totally mom-sponsored
*snicker*


since eugene's so free now, he can take me out for supper right?

有空的时候出去走走，看看书，弹弹琴，发一下呆也是一种享受。到底什么是值得，什么是不值得。这种问题可能根本没答案。没答案就没必要去想；一切顺其自然

am already starting to see no point in it. i have been patient enough, in teaching nurturing and grooming you. giving you room, providing you space, and even finding excuses for every mistake you make. when i was waiting for the bus that took forever to come today, i thought through the events that have happened and still happening...it suddenly became quite obvious. in order to be answerable to myself, i'm going to put an end to illusions. so you're fired. i hope i'll find a better replacement. even if i cant, i'm quite sure i'm pretty capable.



no regrets.

being aloof is my prerogative. sheesh. i'll never allow anyone to beat me at that.
if you dont buck up, i'm firing you.


i keep having wild dreams of loose teeth, falling teeth and spitting teeth out 4 to 5 at a time. it's worse than finding myself pregnant in my sleep which i often do. so vivid that i could even remember the taste of my naked gum.

Teeth can represent your bite, effectiveness or power in life. They may
represent biting remarks, hurtful words. They are your ability to 'chew' over
things, meaning to consider and think about, almost to get a taste or try to
experience what you are considering.

Spitting out lots of teeth: Something you want to 'spit out' in the sense
of admitting, saying, or expressing emotionally.

Teeth falling out: Often a
sense of loss, such as death of family member or loved one; the ageing process
as it relates to maturity, so worries about getting older and one's changing
image. When our first teeth fall out at around seven, it is probably our initial
experience of losing something from our body, something weird happening - we
might even fear other bits of us could drop off or out.

Teeth – Losing teeth in dreams is not only a common dream but can be quite distressing at the same time. Although many interpretations suggest that losing teeth in a dream is a reflection of our highly valued self image, it should not be considered an expression of vanity or arrogance. In this highly judgemental world it is normal to be concerned about our image and in many ways our fear of a tarnished image is more a rejection of society's conceit than our own egotism.

Teeth provide us with not only a means to chew food but they also represent a show of health and vitality and are often reflective of our confidence levels. Increased levels of anxiety and stress are also associated with dreams about losing teeth.

hahah. whatever. all equally bad.

一句 我好烦！很想骂人 也是理所当然。听到她说痛，我的心也跟着碎了... 坚强的女人，你一定不会有事的!

可是我好怕。:(

if mood is color-coded, i must be feeling this color.
it is undescribable. i feel warm and assured. i feel as though i'm in safe hands when i dont even know whose hands they belong to. i feel loved and taken care of when i cant even put a name to who is making me feel this way. it's a strange dreamy feeling that makes me feel contented all the time.

probably one of my fantasies.

what are the chances that you'll get to see a squirrel crossing the road in school. pretty low i guess?
but maria and i witnessed one.

if you'd think that's interesting, i've even more to share.

1) bingquan and i totally overlooked the need to remember the parking lot in a shopping centre, where there're sooooo many different parking areas.

2) and of all places of all people, we bummed into alex and *ahem at giant.

3) we scissors-paper-stone-ed and there's still no winner after 6 consecutive rounds.
okay, we might need a little math here to establish extraordinariness: with simple probability, the chances of that happening is 1/3^x (whereby x=6 and probability=0.001371); x could have been 7, 8 or 9 and so on if we hadnt decide to use a coin instead. isnt that amazing?


i've been brain-washed so thoroughly by my major and economics that i'm starting to play my role strategically. it's a whole lifestyle thing, somewhat similiar to yoga-is-an-attitude-idea. you can play a role best with perfect information, but we can forget about attaining it. so we bet on chances? not exactly. it's not about luck all the time though i dont deny the nuances of it. it's about maximising information and downplaying luck. take the monty hall game for example, you wouldnt know that changing your initial option actually gives you a better chance of winning if you hadnt analyze it strategically. in other words, more things in life are within our control than you'd think.




sidenote,
stardust is an awesome movie full of surprises. and, if you guys are looking for christmas cards, you wont want to miss handmadelove.typepad.com. handmadelove shoppe is open! only 14 sets left!