it's been awhile since my last post on job search. yesterday, i've received an reply email from one of the position i've applied for. needless to say, i was rejected. no, i wasn't rejected. my resume was. i know rejection is part and parcel of job search but, to be rejected for a position i think i'm truely suited for punctured my confidence. i start to worry if my other applications, which i didn't think fit me as well, would even bother to send a pre-scripted, no-reply email telling me that my application has not been successful.

it feels terrible. not because of the rejection per se, but rather i'm once again faced with my most feared "not-knowing": why or how did that happen. if i had been given the chance for an interview and the outcome still turn out to be an unfavorable one, at least i know someone must have fared better. so yea, go buck up your interview skills or what not. but now, it's a blank. unknown. you're not sure if it's your photo or your meagre cap point or your nationality or others you probably can't do much about. (oh yes, no matter how much they try not to discriminate, people still do!) or, maybe i really didn't fit the job scope as much as i personally thought but if i'm not told or have nothing to benchmark myself against, how do i know what/how i need to improve?

for a week or two, it sure did feel great to be able to take this period to do whatever i want (and feeling hopeful about the job search) but now the bracket is out, i'm beginning to feel the ticking of the clock. with many others are jumping in to help you, i'm really feeling the need to find a job real soon. the pressure is making me scream GIVE ME A JOB ALREADY!

all that said, it's time i pick myself up and find myself a good job! wish me all the best!

do you remember when you were a teenager, how fast you anger at your parents' sickening desire to tear open and devour your letters or diaries. they often claimed that it's an honest mistake. bullshit. whatever it was, not that we had something to hide, we just didnt like our privacy poked into.

so as we grow up, fall in love and become parents ourselves, why are we too burning with desire to pry into our loved ones' life? they said it's prevention. preventing your partners from cheating and your children from going astray. i dont know whats right whats wrong and there's no point dwelling about that.

but you know what, i thought about it and i must say that part of the problem is the lack of communication. if i'd lived in a family where open discussion is encourged, i'd told my mom about my views towards drugs, sex, and my friends' views about them. but in most families, telling your parents anything is like asking for a verdict you never needed.

you say, 'i think this guy in my class is cute'
your mom says, 'he is the last in class and have horrible fashion sense. he's bad influence. you are too young for a relationship. stay away from him.'
your dad says, 'i'll spank him the next time i see you talking to him!'

would you ever tell your parents about your crushes ever again?
so don't ever blame your kids for not telling you anything. it's precisely this lack of communication that leads parents into prying their kids' privacy. and this stirs the rebel in the kid and it just keep getting worse.

if we can identify with the kids above, why don't we apply that to our relationships. afterall, open and willing communication builds the most trust.