results' out. i dont know how i did it with so little effort but looks like i've done it. with the cap like mine, it's really quite easy to be saying 'hey, this is my best semester' at the end of every semester. theres really nothing to celebrate about, or maybe i should maybe i am just unaware that i did put in a lot of effort. or maybe the rest are just airheads.

am just glad that i finally understood myself. a potter once said, let the clay decide and become what it's meant to be and not what you want it to be. it's really not easy to agree with that. it's a fight with yourself, your 'face' problem and such. but less the struggle to be someone else, you learn to be comfortable in your own skin and the best at what you're meant to be. this must not be confused with giving up a dream. because you'll never know somehow some way or another, you're jolly well on a different path towards the same dream. there's a time for everything. be at the right place, at the right time, doing the right things. don't rush it. ok, i've just reminded myself of adam sandler's click.

there're a lot of ways you could choose to live the same life. i've seen so many people lived through theirs but i still don't know which is the best way.

i dreamt that pudding's head got twisted off. detached. and blood spurted out from his belly button, and sure, i cried a lot. and i was obama's daughter and i own a Labrador. weird.

pudding looks like a lion. he's so tamed and such a darling.

the lines on my palms hurts. last night i dreamt that i was flying and that always happen after reading too much harry potter; yuk kindly loaned me her entire collection so to keep me occupied while everyone's occupied with staying out of the country. i really could too, get out. nobody else wants to tag along.

the birthday girl is losing all her night life. wanting to go home to sleep at 1130pm is something that social loafers like us understand but dont quite agree with. i too need to hit the books tomorrow so i could survive tutoring 2 hours of statistics.

everyone takes me too seriously. actually i'm a joker inside.

let's vote. should yuan learn the piano or the cello?

after a day of shopping and movies, followed by even more hanging out, i finally think that this kind of lifestyle is physically exhausting.

this is my expression, exactly.

one week ago, everybody seemed to be holidaying in vietnam. and now, everybody is going taiwan or already in taiwan but not leaving taiwan anytime soon. by 26th may, there would be 4 different groups of people i know there. what the fuck. they could walk the streets and bump into each other. and my gut feelings tell me that i might see my other friends in the backgrounds of the photos of my other friends. thats how many. and i can't go.

to think that, i will be graduating alone one and an odd half years later. hm, grad trip? alone, probably. thats really decent. i refuse to be a good girl. even going Perth in october doesnt help cheer me up aat all!

i'm confused if i missing you or i'm just jealous of you.

soon huat shared this on facebook and i'm sharing this here again cos i'm a sucker when it comes to dad-doing-something-for-his-daughter. it gives me goosebumps all over and i actually cried towards the end. it reminds me how fun playing an instrument was for me.

why does the start of my holidays feels like an end. and so full of random things

and why do i feel like drinking, gambling, partying and getting wasted. and being someone i'm not, for once.

managed to upload a few while my hair dries. these are from the berkelah falls. i'm very surprised at the turnout of the photos. i dont know how my S3 still could function so well.

this time tonight i would be on the coach ride to berkelah waterfalls. hopefully we survive the sun, another few days without vegetables and fruits, no showers, mess tins, canned food, tents and daanger.

and i hope when i come back, things sort out themselves and so i know what i'm doing, and how i'm feeling. same to you.

near the harbor, 2 hours or less to the sunset.

i wished i have a dad who would watch my back, protect me and comfort me, and beat up all the jerks and bastards and dump them into the sea.

the colors look so much better on the macbook.

you know you're still living when you feel a heartbreak even at the tips of your body. you know your blood is still flowing. you know your heart is still pumping. you know you are as alive as you feel dead. and you know that it's merely a page of the chapter, and you wonder how many more times you need to undergo this before you truly learn your lesson. i can't be honest about it.

it's worth keeping documented.

end of exams! i look like a wreck cos i couldn't sleep at all the night before. reason: too excited bout the next day. the bit of happiness-sensation i thought i would be getting did not hit me at all while the surely-gay prof collects our papers. raymond said i was sulking. sulking?! no la, where got. i just didn't feel as happy as the guy who sat beside me during the exams. he whoopeedooed and ran to the front of the hall. i met people for lunch and spent 4 hours tuitioning. those are the kind souls who hang around outside for that 4 hours so that we could catch a movie together. hahah always so happy around them.

so tomorrow this time, i'd be in tioman! whoopeedooo!

i'm dead tired. good night

can't comprehend.

2 weeks went past. it's longer than it feels and shorter than the speed it went. you know it will get there but you can't give a good estimate of how long 2 weeks will take. i'm losing steam. no, there was not much in the first place. it feels alright that i don't know everything.

on the way to tuition today, i started wondering how come we have to learn 1 year worth of things within 3 months (or maybe, for some others who are alike, within 2 weeks). what exactly is university about? probably to prove to someone that you could study?

going university taught me one thing. it taught me to question why i'm in it. honestly i've never given a thought of that before my 20th birthday. only through lectures, i realized that we are supposed to have weighed the losses and benefits and thereby came to a decision to be where we are now. that never happened. it wasn't a decision at all. it's SOP. is that lucky, ignorant, pitiful or all of it.

they said it's an economic decision. was it? no. i didn't make that decision. at least not explicitly. my parents did not explain to me. i didn't ask them. but my kids are asking why i'm still in school, and i find myself explaining that somebody else's economic decision.

and when i stopped to listen around. really. there are lots of people who fought to continue to study, have to worry and pay for their own fees because they think that the same education i'm going through is worth it. and those are the people who did not grow up with me. they are the people who took another path back then, people who have siblings to think about, people who lost their parents, people whose family depend on them...that actually makes me the minority. i'm left with mixed feelings. but i'm still ok with the fact that i don't know everything.

wake up and fight again tomorrow!

I'm still laughing at this now. I find it so funny and upsetting at the same time. This is the contact list of trekkers for the Berkelah falls. Look at the medical last column and you'd know why i find it so funny. Every else have something more appropriate like asthma, shoulder problem, nil, na etc. LOOK AT MINE! ALLERGIC TO PEANUT! the rest of the people must have laughed at it, thinking it's a joke or something.

two days back i ate something stale and i'm still having digestive problems now. let's recover soon!