what do i want to be when i grow up?

i don't mind holding on to a stable office job for a few years just to get my house loan, car loan and whatever loans approved. so it's actually quite easy -- just get a job!
but what would i do for the rest of my life then. thats the difficult part. i realized i love to assemble things. i should have known earlier. as a kid, i could go on and on constructing my lego houses, cars, robots, jigsaw...even repairing correction tapes..until i get them fixed. then i moved on to bigger things, like furnitures and anything else that needs fixing. in general, i am good at putting things together, and i enjoy it. big things small things.
my mom was saying they have a department that makes models. i think thats the coolest job! i can't be a construction worker...i can't be a technician...what else can i do? how can i turn this into a viable business opportunity.

yay!

i've to let myself go

there's some problem with their flight schedule and i'll have to deal with one extra day of emptiness and two death anniversaries alone. can't get any emptier.

happy birthday mom. but where are you.

being one of the only three persons in this world, i have terribly sinned to have forgotten the meaning of 24 October. I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON.

just to let you know that i'm still alive. had been impossibly busy since last wednesday, and this will go on till wednesday morning before the last lap begins. my entertainment so far had been growing crops, playing plock and realizing that i'm extremely sucky at games that work around colors, and a bit of mouse clicking at capturing dragons. this will be all over soon.

something is wrong if you're having your breakfast at 130pm in front of the computer on a sunday. the year 1-3s really have under-developed brains i dont blame them. i just miss those days that i had under-developed brains like theirs and could get away with it. i think we could still get away with it still, but i can't get past my own stage. i hope their brains grow. SOON!

am so tickled by my prof's attempt at sounding articulate and gentle in the pre-recorded e-learning webcasts. everytime i clicked play, i had his face appearing in my mind and couldn't stop laughing because of the mismatch mental imageries and the voice i'm hearing --that i had to close it, and try again another time. this is fun! i love e-learning. haha

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1156906877031

it's an art. really. im still thinking why it works and how it works.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=147605266705

sh shared this. and i just want my friends to see it too. it's damn bloody amazing. i think even a six year old kid can't follow steps as well.

this is the 7th time life went on repeat, isn't it not enough? im so sick of it. sick of the fact that school really hasn't much to offer anymore, and the curriculum is nothing more than professors getting a easy way out by moulding not so brilliant workers of the future. projects, research, reports -- what are those anyway? for the first few years, fine, they teach you to work in a team, to structure to organize to inform to present. but after the 7 x5 times of training, isn't it about time you think whether you've already had enough of the so-called training? i'm not enjoying it. it's mundane. even the content, which is supposed to be changing, is revolving round the same thing. the marketing modules are just a pointless overlap of one another. the economics are becoming non-applicable. i don't deny that these fields have a lot of potential in research, and precisely the honors year education is nothing but to prepare you for the career of an academia. but when being an academia is not-getting-into-the-picture anymore, ive really started questioning myself whether the extra year of staying in school is going to be of any benefit at all. i'm just start to feel that i'm wasting my time, when i could waste my time by landing myself a office job which at least brings some money.
i'll finish my honors year definitely. it's all just about that additional semester and the major in economics which is restricting me in my choice of modules. dont get me wrong, school is good, i like school, it's just not delivering anymore. for me.

it's how weird circumstances forces you back to the circle you try to break away from. maybe one day i would say, how lucky. or maybe, how unfortunate.

it's you who gave it up.

none of the words on the pages is getting into my head. you can forget about digesting equations. i'm having such severe cramps right now that i wonder if there isn't so much noise pollution in my upgrading neighborhood, would it be this bad. there's really no way to prepare for my paper tomorrow at all. im substituting revision with watching national geography. man, this cramps is really bad.