nothing in this world belongs to me and i'm very aware of that. i'm living everyday of my life fully prepared to lose everything. my phone, my internet, my room. nothing ever belonged to me because i'm in a place i dont belong. so stop all threatening, it's not working. i'm all prepared for that one fine night wheere i wouldnt even have a place to sleep at. and thats fine. because i've been through that over and over again. cutting off my lines, getting kicked out, locked out, sleeping outdoors.

experiences have taught me never to rely on anyone, again and again. or rather, just you. people earn my respect and my trust. you lost them. long time.

it doesnt even matter if you threaten to break the bond. not like i cannot find someone else to be my guardian.
i'm so affected this time round. REALLY hurt by how fragile this people-to-people-relationship thing is. after all these 13 years of "being family"?
when my life breaks down, i know i can piece them all back together again. it's no big deal. ive been through over and over again. and i've survived and am stronger each time and everytime.

why cant i have a proper shelter, somewhere i can call home. somewhere just my mom and i. thats really all i'm asking for. sometimes i really wonder why life is so unfair. what have i done wrong in my life? why dont i deserve to be loved by a father?

i have to make a home. i'll build it. with my own hands.