mental slide

wouldnt it be nice sometimes, if only sometimes, i only mug, party, work and mug, party and work somemore. i'm so tired, of travelling around twice weekly with my cases just to run my fingers along strings like blades, that i'd rather laze around at home. i wouldnt mind spending the whole day digging my room inside out just to locate a meaningless pin number that NUS issued. just no more people, no more cars, no more streets and etc. i dont see how others can be on 24- hour standby, ever ready to play through the night. and me, played uno slam, barbequed and laughed so hard at cheng yang with so much guilt. neither do i want to sit in through the lesson trying so extremely hard just to conceal rusty techniques which will bring me nowhere. nor would i want to compensate my play time for some quick practices that jolly well serve no purpose. i'm thinking of giving myself an official break as if i havent been excused for long enough or i'll break. but i have even more holding me back.

and i was there being stupid giving hair cries when i am not even sure whether or not i'm ready for univerisity education.

i call this period a mindset slideback. bless me.